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The Internet
Understanding the Dangers, and Preparing our Children!
By
Debbie Mahoney
Founder and President of
Safeguarding Our Children – United Mothers (SOC-UM)
Mahoney resigned her position at Lawrence Livermore Laboratory
in August 1996 to devote her life and her personal resources to
keeping children safe. She works with law enforcement, technology
specialists, and child advocacy groups around the world to ensure
the safety of children. Her organization monitors pedophiles,
their advocates, and their online activities, coordinating information
with law enforcement officials.
Mahoney and SOC-UM
were instrumental in the passage of “the Child Molester Hotline”
in California in 1994. She has made numerous television appearances
on national shows such as Oprah, Sally Jessy Raphael, A &
E, America’s Most Wanted, Fox Family, Extra, as well as others
where she has spoken to the issue of public disclosure and child
safety. She is on the advisory board for Cyberangels as well
as Crime Victims United of California. Nationally she has spoken
at a U.S. Senatorial Briefing, various community events, and workshops
for State Conferences on Child Abuse. On an international level
she has spoken in Paris, France and Seoul, Korea. Ms. Mahoney
has also done numerous radio shows speaking on the behalf of children’s
safety.
Debbie Mahoney’s
most fulfilling and important role has been, without question,
that of motherhood.
While I understand
the issue of child sexual abuse, child abduction, and child internet
lures scares even the most hardened parent, the ability to recognize
dangers that exist and prepare ourselves and our children is far
more important. Knowledge is power. It is that power alone that
will ensure the safety of our (your) children, and their children.
For this article I will focus on the newest danger, the Internet.
The Internet
and its concerns:
While I consider
the Internet an overwhelmingly positive experience for all its
users, including children, we need to be aware that there can
be a dark side to the Internet – and that it is essential that
there are effective safeguards to deal with these risky areas.
In
today’s society there is the offer of advanced technologies for
our children. We have wonderful tools to help kids excel; however,
they also pose dangers that were not common when we were growing
up, and yet those same dangers that existed then remain today.
Our children, thus, are at a greater risk of becoming victims
through both the physical world, and now the virtual world. In
many ways the virtual world is much more insidious.
The computer now
exists within our homes, schools and libraries. It offers knowledge
to children and at the touch of a button to access the vast world
of the Internet. The Internet has provided access to educational
opportunities that we were never afforded. It offers insights
into anything a child might be interested in at the moment.
The
Internet, however, has also opened a door for pedophiles and child
predators to enter into our children’s world uninvited, even in
the privacy of our homes. Not only are children being lured into
traveling to meet a person in the physical world that they meet
online, pedophiles are traveling to our children! It is the first
time in history that we have allowed the predator to enter our
locked homes on a worldwide basis.
Further,
it is the first time in history that we have allowed the predator
to have access to other like-minded deviants where messages of
comfort and support for their deviance can be attained. Child
molesters share tips on how to lure children, the best place to
find children and child pornography. This is done routinely on
the Internet.
During
the 1980’s child pornography was well under control because of
the hard work of law enforcement officials. The only way for
the predators to exchange child pornography was to send it to
other predators through the mail and/or in person. With the Internet
came the ability to exchange child pornography, and usage became
more common and accessible. The Internet provides easy access,
transport, and opportunity for the predator to trade child pornography,
thus ensuring that child exploitation is back in full force. These
criminals heavily tax Law enforcement; you must be engaged in
your child’s activity on the Internet.
Additionally,
there are the fears of our kids accessing inappropriate material
on the World Wide Web, like adult pornography. Hate, bullying,
and bomb making web sites can be easily accessed and information
downloaded. But, for this article I will focus on the newest
danger: the ability to become a victim of child sexual abuse,
and child lures through the Internet.
By far the most dangerous areas for our children are chat
areas including instant message applications. Kids love communicating
with other kids! Chat and instant message applications
become for them instant virtual conversation. Can you blame them?
With the Internet they can now chat with kids anywhere in the
world and talk about anything! How cool! The problem is that the
Internet allows someone to hide ones true identity. An ill-minded
individual can seek out innocent communication and prey on those
that want to be “cool” or who are lonely, going through a tough
time, or just need a listening “ear.”
With
instant message capabilities (IM) your virtual friends can tell
that you are online and/or send an instant message that flashes
on the screen. They can “see” when someone is online so they can
reach you instantaneously. And it’s even set up so that they
can have a completely private communication that no one can see,
listen to, or learn about later.
Chat
rooms are where they can go into a “room” and visit with other
kids, again using instantaneous technology. However while our
children have learned this technology so have the predators.
Often pedophiles will pose as children in these rooms to gain
access. The pedophile will pose as another child with similar
interests, virtually sit and listen to what is being said including
the likes and dislikes of the child. By doing this they endear
themselves as a new friend who understands, while at the same
time obtaining information from the child. Without realizing
it, kids will often tell where they live, how old they are, and
other personal information that a child predator would not typically
have access to.
Chat
also offers access to areas that our children are perhaps not
ready for. There are thousands of chat room topics to choose
from with open access to anyone. These rooms can often incite
activities and conversations that our children would not normally
participate in.
A
child can be in a chat room and utilize instant messaging at the
same time. This allows a one-on-one conversation and a more personal
relationship between the participants of the chat room. Because
there is no documentation of instant messaging anything can be
said, with no records shown and nothing for parents to look at
to see what “children” were discussing. It is through both instant
message, and chat applications that child lures have occurred.
Pedophiles are some of the most cunning and clever manipulators
on the Internet. They have this down to a science!
Excerpt
from, “Innocence Lost? Protecting Your Child from the Trauma
of Abuse,” page 36.
“What
instant messages provide to pedophiles: Private messages give
pedophiles the “pot of gold” they had up to this point been denied,
instant communication with children on a worldwide basis. It
is not uncommon for pedophiles to sit in chat rooms, watch for
the children that appear the most vulnerable and gather information
on the likes/dislikes of a child. The next step is the ability
to communicate in private with that child. What can happen?
•
Communication online in an attempt to gain access to and commit
an off-line offense.
•
The communication allows pedophiles to access children to start
the grooming and courtship process, and establish trust.
•
It allows adults or pedophiles to start children slowly having
cybersex (typing out sexual scenarios on the keyboard to one another),
to desensitize children for sexual contact.
•
Private instant messages allows, in some applications, for files
to be transferred without ever going on the web. In a single
application adult porn and child porn can be immediately sent
to the child. This is done by allowing the direct transfer of
information between two parties, without ever going through any
outside sources. This results in completely private, one-on-one
communication, which cannot be monitored by anyone other than
the two parties conversing with one another.”
E-mailing
is another area that allows close contact without revealing the
real person behind the letters. Without parental controls inappropriate
site addresses, inappropriate messages, and inappropriate contact
can be delivered right into our children’s hands.
Finally,
there are thousands of newsgroups available for anyone to join.
While many are special-interest groups it often requires posting
messages that display individual address and information about
participants. None of this information is filtered and therefore
the content within can be inappropriate for children.
All
of these dangers seem daunting to adults trying to make the Internet
experience positive for children. There are solutions to help.
By
far the best solution is adult supervision. Placing computers
in an area that can be seen by everyone allows parents to see
what children are working on and whom they are talking to.
There is no better substitute. Limiting Internet time to when
adults are present is also a good idea.
If
you allow your child to participate in chat rooms or if they are
clever enough to go out on the internet alone, devise a game plan
so that if your child is contacted and they are asked to meet
with someone, that they tell you about it. Set up guidelines
that if they feel uncomfortable about any conversation, and kids
can have a sixth sense about this stuff, that they tell you about
this too.
For
the times when your children are away from you, talk to them clearly
about the dangers. Give them examples and talk to them truthfully
about the subject. Role-playing conversations can give kids an
idea of how information can be extracted without them even realizing
it. Be honest and open. It’s not safe to cross the street without
looking. Think of the Internet as a huge highway with a lot of
Greyhound buses and motorcycles whizzing by. Unfortunately, on
the Internet even what looks like a police car may not be a police
car. For young children it is basically not safe at all to cross
this highway.
There
are many filtering software programs available today, like Net
Nanny or CyberSitter. These programs have become much more sophisticated,
allowing searches for topics while filtering out adult content
sites. Talk to your local and state representatives about having
filtering software installed on computers in schools and libraries.
It is a tool that, in the long run, would be well worth tax dollars.
Many
Internet providers also have parental control access. This allows
adults to limit access while their children are online. It can
allow them to simply not receive IM’s such as on America On Line.
And it can disallow them from going into chat rooms at all. It
is highly recommended that profiles on line are left blank. The
reason for this is because pedophiles search profiles for age,
sex and interests and software programs such as AOL will actually
list hundreds of profiles on line and show when someone is on
line with an asterisk. In other words, your child does not need
to be in a chat room to be hunted down by a pedophile! If the
profile for a child is left blank, the molester will have no data
to hunt with.
Finally,
as a parent or guardian, don’t assume anything. Don’t assume
that your children know the safety rules of the Internet. Stay
vigilante and pay attention. Place the computer in an area that
makes monitoring easy and discuss with your child what they are
doing on line and what they like about it. Don’t think of the
computer as a babysitter, it is a huge mistake.
Don’t
assume that filtering software will block access to all dangers
a child comes in contact with. These programs do the best they
can, however, things change on an hourly basis on the Internet.
Remember nothing takes the place of parental monitoring.
Don’t
assume that your child knows not to give out their name and/or
address. Ensure your child understands that they should never
accept files from anyone, without your presence. Again, here is
another reason not to fill out a profile on line since random
emails can be sent to see if one “hits” by a pedophile.
If
your child is chatting with others on line, don’t assume that
the person your child is chatting with is a minor. Your kids need
to know this too. Remember that profiles are not dependable when
it comes to classifying online friends. Profiles are information
that the individual wants known. It is a sad commentary, but many
people, pedophile or not, lie about themselves on the Internet.
They misrepresent who they are or what they do or where they live,
all the time.
Teenagers
are harder to control on the net and most likely have more computer
knowledge than you do anyway, they will chat on line. Ensure
that they know NEVER to meet anyone in public that they have communicated
with online without your presence. If they truly have met someone
they like, suggest a meeting at the mall and drive them there,
meet the person too. Check them out.
Don’t
assume you cannot find out what they are accessing. Check the
browser bookmarks, favorite places, cache or history. These will
show each site that has recently been visited. Check the harddrive
of the computer for images, searching for .gifs and .jpegs. Remember
that predators often send adult porn to children to desensitize
them from sexual content and child porn to show the child that
other children are sexual; sending them a message that it is okay.
If
you are going to allow your children access to the computer, learn
to use it yourself so that you can be educated and vigilant.
Don’t
assume there is nothing you can do if you suspect someone is trying
to lure or harm your child. Notify your local police agency and
local Customs or FBI office. It is a crime to lure children on
the Internet.
Finally,
education is the most important tool you can possess to understand
what can happen to your children on the Internet. Don’t assume
that danger outweighs the good information available. You must
be knowledgeable enough to help your children obtain that knowledge
safely. With precautions, the Internet can bring a wealth of information
and useful data to you and your family.
Our
kids have the world at their fingertips for learning and fun,
as long as we, the adults, stay involved and pay attention, just
as we would offline. You wouldn’t drop your child off in a big
city and tell them to have fun, don’t drop your child off on the
Internet and expect them to remain safe.
The
issues of filtering solutions are being investigated more closely
by schools and libraries. This will make it more difficult for
kids to access these areas. Government also plays a role because
tax dollars are often used to fund these institutions. Currently
laws are being drafted that will provide filtering solutions to
insure these areas are less accessible to kids. Contact your
local Representative to find out if filtering solutions are in
place in your schools and libraries.
Prepare
your children for the dangers. Give them the tools to be more
prepared should someone try and harm them. Become fully engaged
in their Internet usage, you can learn more about your child and
they about you by the sharing and discussion of what is found
“out there!” Don’t allow the opportunist predator to become the
one that will listen to them.
Following
are sites that will help you should you need further guidance.
http://www.customs.treas.gov
http://www.fbi.gov
http://www.nemec.org
http://www.soc-um.org
http://www.cyberanges.org
http://www.getnetwise.org
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