TEEN MOTHERS PREVENTION PROGRAM

COMPILED BY

CHARLENE MARKS

EDITED BY

CLAIRE R. REEVES

AND THE ANGEL SAID TO THE CHILD

IN THE WOMB,

“WHAT WILL YOU MOST NEED TO FLOURISH?”

AND THE CHILD THOUGHT IN SILENCE

THEN REPLIED,

“ONLY SAFETY------PLEASE.”

Charlene Marks is the former Sr. Vice-president of MOTHERS AGAINST SEXUAL ABUSE, MASA, and served in that capacity for over 7-l/2 years.  Mrs. Marks is a committed advocate for children and a champion for children’s rights.  During Mrs. Marks’s tenure with MASA she became a recognized speaker and granted radio, television and newspaper interviews.  When the problem of teen-age pregnancy began exploding in the media, Mrs. Marks felt that MASA should address this serious issue and reach out a helping hand to these young mothers.  The Teen Mother Program is her brainchild and Mrs. Marks presented the program to many high schools in California.  Appreciation letters from the schools poured in to thank Mrs. Marks for this important educational service.  The program is presented on this website in the hopes that these young mothers will benefit from this information and learn good parenting skills for their precious children.

(This teaching outline has been turned into an article and all effort has been made to preserve the integrity of the information for the intended audience – the teen mother).

OUTLINE

*  Introduction

*  History of Abuse

*  Definitions of Child Abuse

*  Recognizing Behavioral Signs of Abuse

*  Signs and Symptoms of Physical Abuse

*  Signs and Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

*  Signs and Symptoms of Sexual Abuse

*  Does A Child Ever Deserve Abuse

*  What Does A Child Feel When Being Abused?

*  Why Good Children Make Good Victims

*  Why Children Keep Abuse A Secret?

*  Why People Abuse Children

*  Misplaced Anger

*  Acceptable Forms of Disciplining That Will Enhance Your Child’s Well-being

*  How Do We Raise A Conscious Respectful Child/Children?

*  What Does Your Child/Children Need to Hear From You?

*  What You Can Do To Prevent Abuse – Child Protection Guide

*  What Do I Do If My Child Discloses Or If I Suspect Abuse?

*  Your Goals As A Parent?

*  How To Choose A Day Care & What To Look For

*  How To Shop With Your Child

*  What To Do When You See Someone Abuse His or her Child

*  Birth Certificate & Social Security Card for Baby

*  Resources Available

*  Child Molester Identification Line

Introduction

This course is designed to prevent child abuse.  Anyone having endured abuse knows that it is a vile crime that impacts the quality of a child’s life well into the adult years.  Through helping prospective parents recognize and understand what constitutes abuse and by giving them the tools that will prevent abuse, we hope to begin to break the devastating cycle of abuse so prevalent in our country.

There are some topics covered in this course that may trigger some intense feelings for some of you.  Some of the issues may be issues from your past that are not yet healed.  Please contact an accredited counselor.

                                                            History of Abuse

The history of abuse goes back further than most people realize.  It is not something new that was just discovered in the 90’s.  In fact, in the early 90’s a terrible child abuse case reached the public’s attention.  A little girl was being badly battered and there seemed to be no service agency that was available to protect her.  Finally, the S.P.C.A., Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals was contacted, and they were the ones to take a stand for this child.  Today, in this revolutionary media age, the public at least has the opportunity to become educated about this very serious issue.  And it is today that you will receive that education to protect your child and to possibly break any history of abuse in your family.

In America today, child sexual abuse is the greatest hidden epidemic.  The current statistics are that one out of three girls and one out of four boys will be sexually violated one or more times before they reach the age of eighteen.  If a disease affected our children in these enormous numbers, moneys would be available for research to find a cure.  We would declare a national emergency.  Sadly, not enough is being done.

Definitions of Abuse

To abuse is to exploit, mistreat, torment, molest, or otherwise violate the peace, freedom or physical and emotional welfare of another.

Abuse occurs when there is an imbalance of power.  This is especially true when one person is in a position of authority over another, such as in the relationship of a parent, teacher, coach or baby-sitter to a child.  Child abuse is divided into four basic categories:  sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse and neglect.

Sexual abuse encompasses sexual molestation, incest (a betrayal of trust that takes a sexual form and occurs with an adult the child knows and trusts within the family.), and exploitation for prostitution or the production of pornographic materials.  Any sexual activity experienced by a child that interferes with the child’s normal sexual development may be considered abusive.  This abuse can be visual, emotional, and/or physical.  Actual incidents include covert (non-touching) abuse such as witnessing sexual activity, nudity, sexual suggestions and lack of privacy while dressing or bathing.  Overt (touching) abuse includes fondling, kissing and/or penetration.  In all instances of incest and child sexual abuse, the child is being used as an object to satisfy the adult’s sexual needs or desires.  A child can never give informed consent! A child is never to blame!

Emotional abuse includes visual or emotional assault, withholding of adequate nurturing, isolation - locked in a closet, neglect and name-calling.

Physical abuse refers to physical maltreatment or injury (being slapped, punched, kicked, excessively spanked, includes deprivation).

Neglect is the failure or inability by a parent to provide necessary food, clothing, shelter, education, supervision or health care to seriously endanger the health of the child.  (Please note that this does not include those in poverty.)

RECOGNIZING BEHAVIORAL SIGNS OF ABUSE

*  Dramatic behavior or mood changes

*  Unusual interest and/or knowledge of sexual acts

*  Sexual language inappropriate to age – (talk about what is normal)

*  Interest in sexual matters to the exclusion of other interests or activities

*  Attempts to molest other children

* Sexual behavior with other children, adults or pets

*  Compulsive masturbation or insertion of foreign objects

*  Overreaction to non-sexual touching

*  Fear of a particular adult or gender

*  Frequent absence and/or tardiness at school

*  Sudden acquisition of money, toys, clothes, etc., without a reasonable explanation of      

    Origin

*  Wears many layers of clothing regardless of weather

*  Unwarranted anxiety, guilt, depression

*  Resists or is preoccupied with washing genital area

Signs and Symptoms of Physical Abuse

*  Bruises

*  Welts

*  Burns

*  Frequent broken bones

*  Cigarette burns (round burns)

*  Black eyes

*  Lacerations or abrasions:  rope burns

*  Fractures or broken bones

*  Abdominal injuries:  ruptured liver or spleen; bruises of the abdominal wall

*  Symptoms of suffocation

*  Drug abuse

*  Central nervous system:  hemorrhaging (bleeding) of the brain, eye(s), etc.

*  Lack of care for the child:  dental, immunizations, chronic illnesses, deprivation of

    necessary health aids such as eyeglasses, or hearing aids, poor hygiene, severe diaper

    rash, etc.

*  Depression

*  Anxiety

*  Excessive household responsibilities

*  Sleep disturbance

*  The inability to control urination

Signs and Symptoms of Emotional Abuse

*  Dramatic behavior or mood changes

*  Low self-esteem

*  Feels intimidated or humiliated

*  Lacks social skills

*  Withholds love and affection

*  Has a sleeping disorder

*  Has an eating disorder

*  Wetting bed

*  Regressed behavior

*  Abusing animals

*  Emotionally abusing other children

*  Inability to concentrate in school

*  Melancholy in sadness

*  Alcohol and drug abuse

Signs and Symptoms of Sexual Abuse

*  Trauma to mouth or genitals

*  Difficulty walking or sitting

*  Pain, discomfort or infection in genital area

*  Torn or bloodstained clothing

*  Rectal bleeding

*  Unusual or offensive odors

*  Toileting accidents inappropriate to age

*  Vaginal laceration; sore penis

*  Extreme passivity or seductiveness during medical exam

*  Venereal disease

*  Adolescent or preadolescent pregnancy

*  Sleeps too little or fatigue

*  Somatic complaints such as stomach or leg pain

*  Unexplained bruises

*  Genital rashes

*  Sleeps excessively

*  Age inappropriate knowledge & use of sex toys such as vibrators

Does a Child Ever Deserve Abuse?

NO!!!   Children never deserve abuse no matter what their behavior.  It is a parent’s job to find constructive measures with which to discipline children. 

We often hear that “Johnny deserved it because he messed his pants when he should have used the potty chair, or Mary didn’t do her homework and she made me angry.”  (By the way, each child has their own time clock as to when they will train and how long it will take them to be trained.  Do not push potty training!  It will often take boys longer to train than girls.)

Let’s take a moment to reflect on the discipline that you may have received in your life.  Think about how you might have felt at the time an adult disciplined you, whether it was a parent, aunt, uncle, grandparent, or guardian.  Did the discipline make you feel small, not worth anything and helpless?  Now that you have taken a moment to reflect, you may be asking yourself,  “What do I do now with the feelings I am experiencing?”  Number one, do not take your past out on your child.  This is called “misplaced anger”.  Rather, take a few moments to breathe deeply.  Speak with a friend you can trust.  If you are in school, speak with your counselor.  Seek help yourself.  Don’t give up.  You are too precious!  Don’t ever forget that!

Later, we will discuss ways to discipline that are not harmful to a child’s emotions, body and self-esteem.  But a way of teaching instead that will enhance a child’s well-being and self-esteem.

Why do Good Children Make Good Victims?

Children normally have pretty good instincts about people, and those instinctual responses should be honored.  However, some parents can inadvertently put children at risk by encouraging intimacy inappropriately. 

It should be left to the child to decide if she/he will sit on an adults lap.  Depending on their choice, will take you to the next step of your discussion.  If he/she chooses not to sit on someone’s lap, show the child you support his/her decision.  As a mother you have taught your child boundaries.  Trust that your child has a natural boundary instinct and respect that. 

Sometimes parents, without realizing it, may teach their children to become victims.  Some parents teach their children to “listen to another adult no matter what”.  “Do what your elders tell you and don’t ask questions.”  Children should be seen and not heard.  “Good children do what they are told!”  “Don’t be a tattletale.”  My, what we teach our children!  In reality we are setting them up to be victimized or at the very least to be vulnerable to the whim of any adult.

Take a few moments to reflect on the things that you may have experienced in your own life, or on experiences you may have heard about from the media that made you feel uncomfortable.  Empower your child and teach him/her that it is okay to say no. 

Why Do Children Keep Abuse A Secret?

Children are often told:

If you tell, I will kill you, your little sister, brother, mom, dad, and/or your pets!  If you tell I will go to jail and it will be your fault!

When a child does tell, they are usually asked,  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”  Don’t put your child under this stress.  It was hard enough for the child to find the courage to tell.  Give him/her a hug of reassurance.  Reassurance that they are loved, that you will stand by them, that you believe them, that “we” will get through this together.  Most importantly reassure the child that it is not his/her fault. 

Would you believe your child if he/she came up to and said that their father, uncle (even if the uncle was your brother), aunt (even if that aunt was your sister), grandmother and /or grandfather (even if they were your parents), or your boyfriend was hurting them?  If so, would you have the courage to do something about it?  Or would you just keep it quiet and pretend that it will never happen again, go away; and/or would you remind yourself that you were abused and you don’t believe it affected you.  Maybe it won’t really affect my child?

First of all we are dealing with several issues.  If you have not dealt with certain issues in your life, then you won’t be able to help your child go through what he/she might have shared with you.  Denial of the affects of your abuse will render you incapable of understanding and helping your child.

The next issue is:  “If I keep quiet about it and tell my child to ignore it, it might just very well go away.”  I am here to tell you that it won’t go away, and that you have just told your child that he/she is not worthy, is unlovable and not valuable enough to protect.

Your child might have also been told that this is the way all daddies love their children.  Even though the child feels uncomfortable with the situation children love and believe their parents.

Fear is another issue.  Abused children are not kidding when they say they were scared.  In truth, it is most likely that they were terrified!  Those who assault helpless children are deviant bullies.  A favorite tactic the perpetrator uses  so that his/her loathsome behavior is not exposed is to make the threat strong enough to scare the child silent.

Abuse occurs in all races, economic conditions and lifestyles.  It occurs not only to the neglected child/children but also to children whose parents have taken safeguards.  It also occurs in what is thought of as a loving home.  Dr. Donna Friess is the author of “Cry The Darkness” and several other books.  Donna’s family looked like the perfect ideal American family while the father was sexually abusing many of the children.  Dr. Donna Friess is a wonderful example of healing from abuse, helping others to heal, and moving forward to live a happy and productive life.

                                                WHY DO ADULTS ABUSE CHILDREN?      

As far as MASA is concerned, there is no acceptable reason(s) for someone to abuse a child.

So why do some people abuse?  Not all survivors of sexual and other kinds of abuse  become abusers, so maybe the answer truly lies within the abuser.

If we look inside our prisons today, you will find one answer.  Ms. Reeves, the president and founder of MASA, spoke to a group of young men, ages 13 years old to 25 years old.  Every single one of these young men had been abused earlier in their lives.  Every one of them was in prison for violating another person.  Every one of these young men had a reason for their actions including “I just wanted to give back to society what they gave me!”  Sometimes abuse stems from anger, unresolved issues, fixation, etc. 

To help us further understand why people abuse, we need to take a look at an abuser’s profile.

Abuse can occur from someone with an inadequate pattern of behavior, such as those suffering from psychoses, eccentric personality disorders, lack of self-esteem, power and control unresolved issues, etc.  However, I want to make it clear that everyone with these disorders do not abuse.  Some may self-abuse like alcohol and drug addiction, but would never act out on another person.

Incest is inter-generational, meaning a cycle of abuse within a family, and it will not stop in that family until someone breaks that cycle.  Generally speaking, whether an abuser violates a child physically, emotionally, neglectfully or sexually, it is all abuse.  The devastation to the child may have lifelong consequences.  The abuser is completely responsible for his/her actions and is fully accountable.

For the purpose of simplicity and easy understanding for you I will define the two kinds of sexual abusers.  When the media airs a case a child being sexually abused they usually refer to the offender as a child molester.  Essentially that is true, but the definition of molest includes many other types of bothersome behavior.  When you hear the word pedophile or pedophilia it is always sexual and means an adult attracted to a child in a sexual manner.  There are two major kinds of pedophiles and it is important that you know the difference.

THE FIXATED PEDOPHILE

The fixated pedophile is only attracted to children and would not likely have a sexual encounter with another adult.  This kind of pedophile usually has an age and gender preference; can be the most dangerous to cause great physical harm to the child including murder.  The fixated pedophile will likely be a stranger to the child and falls into the 15% of adults who sexually violate children. 

THE REGRESSED PEDOPHILE

The regressed pedophile is more likely to be the incestuous father, other family members, teachers, clergymen, coaches, etc.  In other words these offenders look like everyday, normal people that you can trust.  Remember over 85% of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows and trusts.  Many of these offenders will be married with children of their own.  It is usually impossible to recognize this kind of abuser until it is too late and a child has been hurt.   

The regressed pedophile is often referred to as a situational child sexual abuser. Incestuous fathers and other relatives may abuse in high times of stress in their lives or after they have been abusing alcohol and/or drugs.  They may go for years and not abuse a child, but the likelihood that they will repeat the crime is very high.  They are more dangerous in some ways than the fixated pedophile as they are more likely to place themselves in a position of trust with the child and the family.

Misplaced Anger

Parents can misunderstand that healthy discipline does not include:

Lashing out!  Uncontrollable spanking!  Verbal abuse!  Shaking a child until their head rocks back and forth!  Stabbing a child with a fork to make them listen to you!

Let’s take a moment to speak about you, the adult.  You might be thinking about the abuse you suffered as a child.  “So if I took it, so can my child!”  Besides, this is the only way I was taught to discipline.  Please know that I am so very sorry for the pain that you suffered as a child.  Please know that you didn’t deserve that misplaced anger.  And neither does your child/children.  Don’t make your child/children a victim of your misplaced anger.

Some of you might be asking yourselves,  “What do I do if my child/children makes me angry, mad and etc.?”  The answer to this question and other questions will be addressed when we discuss acceptable forms of disciplining.

We as parents may have the tendency to be controlling sometimes when it is not needed. Maybe we fear that the child will not grow up to be the type of person we want them to be Maybe it is because we have never had control over many things in our own lives before, and we don’t know how to handle having control.  It is important to pay attention to our own feelings.  It is okay to allow ourselves and our children to feel anger, rage, anxiety, sadness, happiness, joy, and peacefulness.  These are normal healthy feelings and can be constructive.  If you haven’t been told it is O.K., then give yourself permission to feel and not deny.  It is what we do with these feelings, and teach our children to deal with their feelings, that will have an impact on those around us.  Whatever we, as parents do, we must not impose the destructive disciplines that may have been used in our own childhoods.

It is okay to tell your child that you are sorry if you have been harsh with the child.  As a parent you can ask for the child’s forgiveness.   Remember, children are people, they are just smaller in stature than we are.  If you find that you are continually apologizing,  then perhaps it is time to take a look at what your own issue is that is causing such anger within you.

You now have the opportunity to make changes in your life.  You can break this chain, and teach your child that he/she is worthy and lovable, and the most valuable asset in your life.  That is called bonding and there is no more valuable or loving relationship than that with a child.

     Acceptable Forms of Disciplining That Will Enhance Your Child’s Well-being

Rule of thumb:  Don’t get so upset over things that you know you will be laughing about when you are reminiscing in your rocking chair.

(Note:  The entire class participated in this part of the program.  Since you are doing this on the Website it is important that you answer the questions in writing and keep them for future reference).

What are some ways that you feel are acceptable forms of disciplining your child/children?  Or, what are some of the ways that you now discipline?

*  Time out  - at the age of two, it is okay to sit a child down and talk about why he/she shouldn’t hit, bite, etc.; at age three you can discuss with your child the rules that you have talked about before and sit your child down for time out for three or four minutes.  Let them watch the clock to see when their minutes are up.  Don’t stand around for them to argue with you.  Give them the clock.  The clock cannot talk back, so they will not have anyone to argue with.  However, always stand within viewing distance of your child.  Do not leave your child alone.

*  Messes  - have your child help clean their messes, but be prepared for further messes.  Make sure you have the proper equipment, such as a sponge, rag, and bucket or plastic bowl to ring the rag out into so you won’t be dripping across the floor, and also so your child can assist in ringing out the rag.  This lesson also helps to build a child’s self-esteem.  Your child is learning that he/she can do things.  Make each experience age appropriate.  Don’t expect anything from a child that his/her age will not allow.

*  Hitting  - talk with your child and try to understand why he/she is hitting.  Maybe your child learned it from another child.  Maybe your child has witnessed another adult hitting you.  Whatever you do, don’t hit your child back.  How many of you parents have witnessed another parent hitting their child on the hand while saying,  “Don’t hit”?  Makes great sense to a little child, doesn’t it?  The child cannot comprehend why you can hit and he/she can’t.  Remember, a child follows your examples.  Take your child’s hands and kiss them, while telling your child that hands are used for good things, such as for eating, bathing, playing,  hugging, petting the dog, etc.

*  Toilet training  - never spank your child if they don’t train as fast as you or anyone thinks they should.  Children train at their own rate.  Boys may be slower than girls.  Have patience with your child and you will be teaching your child to have patience with them.  Put books by the toilet, a stuffed animal, etc.  Let them sit and relax.  Keep them within your viewing distance.  Never leave your child alone.

*  Fighting  - when children fight you want to help them to learn:

1.      What they are actually fighting about

2.      Why they are so upset about this situation

3.      What compromises they can make

4.      What they can do to avoid fighting

*  Stealing  - if your child starts to steal, even around the age of two, go with your child and have them return the item(s), and say they are sorry.  If the item(s) was/were opened, give them the money to pay for it themselves, and then have them dispose of the item(s).  Tell your child that it was not theirs to begin with.  If you allow them to keep it this time, then it makes it easier for them to repeat the process.  Ultimately, what you are doing is giving them what they wanted.  Teach them that it is wrong to steal, no matter what.  If you nip this type of behavior in the beginning, then you are teaching your child responsibility and respect for themselves and others.

Remember, it is up to you to build a foundation for your child to grow upon.  You will have also built a trusting bond between the two of you.

                                             What Do Children Need to Hear?

I love you so much!  You are so special to me!  I’m so proud of you!  You can do and be anything you put your mind to!

Children need to learn what their good qualities are, what their talents are, and what they can like about themselves.  Knowing these three things about themselves are the best self-esteem boosters, because this gives them the cornerstone needed to build upon.  This also helps a child to know what it is about them that is lovable, special, and what you are so proud of.

In helping your child find out about themselves, they are discovering their good qualities, talents and just what it is that they like about themselves.  You too might discover your talents and great qualities or even discover a new you when you take the time to assist your child.

There are many ways you can help your child/children find these attributes.

One way is through play.  Sit and roll a ball.  Tell them that they are doing a great job.  Let them know that you like it when they roll it in the house.  Throwing the ball may be done outside.

The key to building your child’s self-esteem is to always put the positive before the negative.  Whether you are giving your child praise or disciplining.  Everything you can think of doing with your child and praising your child for is a booster to developing self-esteem.

When your child shares with others, let them know how proud you are of them for sharing.  Please note that a child should have his or her own items, such as a favorite doll or truck, hairbrush, etc., that is only theirs.  A child needs to learn their boundaries and that their boundaries should be respected just like yours should be.

Everything positive you do as a parent helps to create a more empowered child.  Chances are that a child with low self-esteem will not be able to say “No!”   It is your job to create a healthy family, an empowered family.

What Do I Do If My Child Discloses Or I Suspect Abuse?

1. Believe your child!
2. See the article on this Website

PROTECTIVE PARENTS OF CHILDREN WHO HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ABUSED – Author – Claire R. Reeves

                                                     Your Goal As A Parent…..

Your goals as a parent should be to love, nurture, protect and support your child/children mentally, physically and emotionally.  It is a very big job and it is also the most important job that you will ever undertake.

The goal of each parent, supporting relatives, and daycare providers, should be to raise and assist in the growth of a loving, healthy child that is in touch with himself/herself and those around him/her.

That is what it means to truly love your child.  Teach them by setting a good example in your own life.  You are their most important teacher.

                                     How To Choose A Daycare & What To Look For

1. Spend a day observing the staff and children before enrolling your child.  Look for violent play, children constantly hurting other children, masturbation, children dressed inappropriately, play that involves ghosts, monsters, devils, when it is not Halloween, etc.

2. Did you and your child feel welcomed?  If not, walk away.

3. Don’t assume that because you know someone that works there or someone who sends their child there that this is the best daycare for your child.

4. How do the teachers handle situations?  What are the school’s policies concerning discipline?  Call state licensing to check whether the school or any staff member is under investigation.

5. Ask to see the whole facility.  All of it!  Don’t leave one room unseen, not even the closet.  Don’t let them give you an excuse for not seeing a room.  If there is one part of the facility that you have not seen, walk away and don’t return.

6. Notice the artwork, the theme of the children’s work and bulletin boards.  Look at the colors used.  Is the work angry looking?  Is the work that of what would be done in a normal daycare program?  Also, if your child is in daycare, look to see if the work they bring home is their own work, because in an abusive center a staff member will do a child’s work to look like a child’s masterpiece.

7. Ask if they have an “open door” policy.  Visit the center when you are not expected.  If they don’t have an open door policy that allows you to visit your child, walk away.  A center that does have an open door policy should also have a sign-in sheet to keep track of parents and the people who come and go.

8. Legally, you have the right to check the staff’s credentials and backgrounds.  Make sure they have been fingerprinted.

9. Do not talk about your private life.  Only give information that is pertinent to your child’s well being such as medical information.

10. Notice if all exits are unlocked from the inside during operating hours for easy access in case of emergencies.  Also look to see if doors and doorways are blocked.

11. Take the time to notice if the restrooms are clean; if parents are allowed in the restrooms with their child/children while other children are using the facilities.  A parent should never enter or stay in a restroom when other children are in it.  Also notice if teachers enter the restroom and close the door to be alone with a child.  Does the same teacher offer to take a child/children to the restroom?  Keep your eyes open!

12. Notice how your child acts when it is time to drop him/her off and when you pick him/her up.

13. Find out what days the daycare is closed and what their hours are if open on or the day before a holiday.

14. Find out what type of field trips they go on, where they go, who are the drivers, and are the drivers fingerprinted, licensed and insured.  Make sure you are informed about field trips and have given your written consent.

Birth Certificate & Social Security Card for Baby

It is extremely important that you obtain a Birth Certificate & Social Security Card for your child/children.  This information is needed when you enroll your child in school, identifies your child as yours, and is used for tax purposes.

To request your child’s birth certificate by mail they will need a written request.  This request needs to include the following:

·        Child’s full name

·        Date of birth

·        City of birth

·        Mother’s full name, including maiden name

·        Father’s full name

·        Number of birth certificates needed

Each birth certificate costs $19.00.  Prices may change.  You should enclose a check or money order with your written request.  If no record of birth is found, your money will not be refunded because it was used for the search.  It generally takes about twenty working days before you receive the birth certificate.  However, if you are in immediate need, you may send a prepaid overnight delivery envelope with your request to help speed up the process.  Your local hospital, yellow pages or information should have the address for your County Registrar Recorder Office.  Make sure you include in the request:  County Clerk, Birth Records.

Social Security Card

To obtain your child’s Social Security Card, the Social Security Administration (SSA) will need a birth certificate, and proof of your identity, such as your driver’s license, State Identification Card, school identification, passport, work identification or your doctors report.

If your child is under ten weeks old, SSA will accept the hospital’s certificate signed by the hospital and the baby’s wrist bracelet.

You may call SSA at 1-800-772-2121, to obtain an application by mail or in person at the SSA office near your home.

Resources Available

It is so important that you realize that there are people who do care about you.  If you feel that you would like to talk with someone, please speak with your teacher, counselor, principal, or other trusted adult.  You may be a young mother, but you are not alone.

Books on the subject of child rearing, better parenting, recognizing abuse, sexual and other, are all available at most bookstores.  Wonderful books on preventing abuse and good touch bad touch are also available.  Look for the appropriate age-level for your child.  Educate yourself.  Every stage of development that your child enters will be a new, exciting and learning experience for you.

Below is a partial list of what is available for the very young:

*  Kile, Marilyn and Kristin Baird

    MY BODY BELONGS TO ME

    Circle Pines, Minn., American Guidance Service, Inc., 1986

*  Paterson, Sheri

    NO-NO THE LITTLE SEAL: A STORY FOR VERY YOUNG CHILDREN THAT

    TELLS ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE

    New York, Random House Books for Young Readers, 1986

*  Terkel, Susan N. and Janice E. Rench

    FEELING SAFE, FEELING STRONG

    Lerner Publications, 1984

*  Wells, Rosemary

    TIMOTHY GOES TO SCHOOL

    New York, Dial Books for Young Readers, 1981

Below is a partial list of books that are available to adult survivors:

*  Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

    THE COURAGE TO HEAL: A GUIDE FOR WOMEN SURVIVORS OF CHILD

    SEXUAL ABUSE

    Harper & Row, Publishers, New York, 1988

*  Jeffrey P. Bennett

    BREAKING THE BONDS OF CHILD ABUSE: A GUIDE TO POLITICAL ACTION

    Mail to:  Jeffrey P. Bennett, c/o Nature’s Recipe Pet Foods, 341 Bonnie Circle,

    Corona, CA  91720.

*  John E. B. Myers

    A MOTHER’S NIGHTMARE – INCEST: A PRACTICAL LEGAL GUIDE FOR

    PARENTS AND PROFESSIONALS

    Sage Publications Inc., 2455 Teller Road, Thousand Oaks, CA  91320.