Be A Victor
By
Teresa A. James
Why stop at being a survivor?
Many of us have been survivors of soul-rending acts for years
and have learned that while that is a vital step on our healing
path we don’t want to live there. We don’t have to. Being a
victor is our reward for all of our hard work and that means that
we can now simply BE.
Be that person that your child-self
once dreamed of being before the perpetrator took you deep into
his or her dungeon of depravity. Be the doctor who heals others
or the lawyer in court or the mother who nourishes and teaches
our future generation. Be the artist who shares their truths
and joys with the world or the photojournalist who documents the
world. In two words, BE YOU!
As survivors we have the tools for the
new growth necessary for the next step. We have already applied
those tools for numerous stages of self-exploration and growth
to date. This is simply another stage, the winner’s stage. We
learned in the survivor stage that although there are similarities
in the methods of healing, there are various ways to implement
those methods. The same is true for the victor stage.
For some the answer lies in sending
their perpetrator to jail. For others that is only the beginning
of surviving. For still others, like myself, the answer is forgiveness.
I know this may seem impossible for many and that is all right.
Only you can decide what works best for you. I forgave my perpetrator
for my benefit not his.
In the act of forgiveness I shifted
the weight of carrying the burden from my shoulders back to where
it truly belonged in the first place. Yes, I spent many years
on my healing path prior to the day I wrote that letter of forgiveness.
I realized that he still has to answer to his God or the Creator
or Buddha at the moment of his departure from this world. Meanwhile,
I have felt a freedom I never thought possible before.
I have returned to college to earn the rest of my long-postponed
degree. I have enjoyed many loving years with my husband and
two sons. I was capable of telling those I love and value about
my past instead of hiding in the closet as if I were the perpetrator
of my own crisis rather than the victim. I laugh and sometimes
I cry but now because of the present not because of the past.
In short, I live like most non-victimized individuals.
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